Updated: Jan 13
I get so angry at people sometimes, mostly for NOT 👏🏻 OWNING 👏🏻 THEIR 👏🏻 PROCESS 👏🏻 . And if you don't own your process, you definitely won't own your sh*t...and I hate when people won't own their sh*t. I have been a part of the self-help/wellness community for a few years now, and I have to say that the pervasive attitude of passivity amongst the collective is truly a detriment. People want to heal their trauma and blocks, spend THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, but are unwilling to focus their awareness INWARD, which is LITERALLY EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. Instead they need closure from others, signs from God, pretty words from others that they use to cover up the reality of what they're experiencing, blah blah blah...GIRL, YOU ARE THE ONE DOING THIS WORK. NOBODY CAN DO IT FOR YOU OR TO YOU. I am a great hypnotherapist and healer, but I cannot do something for someone who is unwilling to go there with me. I never want another client I have to drag through the session because they refuse to take ownership for their experience. I want radical, open and willing clients. Because there needs to be a radical willingness to go deep, feel deep, purge deep, own deep then to understand, release, forgive and love deep. Otherwise the healing is...shallow. Duh. The depth of your healing is a direct reflection of your willingness to OWN👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 PROCESS 👏🏻. Ugh never pay me A DOLLAR if you aren't going to show up for yourself. It's too infuriating.
Today has been a day of processing anger for me anyway, so I was really triggered when one of my HIGH PAYING clients didn't trust herself enough to really give over to the work. I was mad, like a disappointed coach and I started SNAPPING at this sweet girl. YOU ARE WORTHY OF WHAT YOU WANT, YOUR DON'T NEED PERMISSION, GET WHAT'S YOURS, STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. We got where we needed to go, but MAN, I wanted to smack this chick with some tough divine love. How DARE you give up on yourself. How DARE you spend all this money to bail on yourself like this. COMMIT TO WHAT YOU WANT.
Then I think about why this is so triggering for me, and it dawned on me. I show up for myself when it comes to healing, self-awareness and emotional honesty. But, I don't show up for myself in the physical world. This girl needed to work on honoring her mental/emotional needs, I need to work on honoring my physical needs as a human being. I bail on myself all the time by giving my sovereignty over to electronics, how other people want to spend time with me, my work, etc. but I give very little to myself in terms of play and physical exercise. In fact, just yesterday I did an exercise Khloee Taylor mentioned on one of her YouTube videos about how to find out where you're neglecting yourself: you draw a circle on a piece of paper, divide it into 6 triangles and label each one as WORK, PLAY, SPIRITUALITY, FRIENDSHIP/FAMILY, EXERCISE, ROMANCE/ADVENTURE, then put a dot in the triangle to rank how you think your fulfilling each category in your life (the closer to the outside of the circle, the higher the score). The dots closest to the center, THAT'S where you're neglecting (or bailing out on) yourself. Mine: Play and Exercise.
It could've been so easy for me to just remain pissed at this person for wasting her time and money, but instead, it was an opportunity for me to look at myself and deal with the anger I have avoided addressing at myself. I'm sure if I sat down with a motivational business coach, they would be just as irritated with me as I was with this client. I have fear and unwillingness, too. We have to remember to be patient with others because we have different strengths and struggles. What's easy for me is hard for others and vice versa. It's okay. But, here I am, owning my sh*t like I always preach, taking a valuable lesson from a rough situation. This is healing, puppies. This is evolution. Super uncomfortable, at times unbelievably frustrating, but necessary. No butterfly has a chill-ass time as a chrysalis, and they break free only when they're ready to dry in the sun. I honor the ones who are trying, cause girl, dang, I am, too.